Relationship Center of Loudoun

THE EFFECTS OF BULLYING AND HOW TO HELP 

The internet has provided a new conduit of suffering with the rise of cyberbullying, the newest form of angry “acting out.” We see bullying’s tragic effects in suicidal youth, where a sad and angry child turns difficult emotions inward. The Arizona shootings were a dreadful reminder that the effects of bullying can include rage directed at others. The repercussions of bullying are far reaching and sobering.

Usually, bullies are experiencing emotional difficulties that have not been identified or addressed. Research shows that the effects of being bullied may endure for decades, experienced as traumatic events, affecting one’s self-perceptions, beliefs about others and behaviors. The child who bullies usually doesn’t fare well, either.

Children and adolescents who are bullied will often respond with school refusal, emotional withdrawal, or uncharacteristic responses – for example, anger that seems out of character or out of context. Talk to your child – use curiosity and the understanding that being bullied is often accompanied by feelings of rejection, embarrassment and shame.

If someone reports that your child is demonstrating bullying behaviors, the most helpful recourse is to explore the issue with your child and with the person who reported the behaviors. Parents often feel protective, and act in ways that ultimately don’t offer aid to their child or those being bullied. Bullying hurts the bullied, but it also hurts the bully. 

If you are concerned that someone you know is being bullied, or is exhibiting bullying behavior, seek the help of a family therapist. Trained systemically, family therapists work with various family members -- immediate and extended family -- as needed. We involve other significant adults in the student’s world: teachers, guidance counselors, pediatricians or others involved in the student’s life. Treating the whole child by intervening systemically – individual, family, school community – can be highly effective in behavioral change.

You may reach Julie Sayre by contacting her by email:

jbsayreLMFT@aol.com 

or by telephone: 703-777-7511